Error

Sometimes I feel as though I have spent the last five years screaming for help and no one listens, I know it’s not true but its how I feel. I came home Monday feeling so relived so free…. it lasted only a short time until I realized I had omitted a key peace of evidence in the brief and because I was so rushed and to make things worse the dear friend who helped me with typos and editing edited out key legal phrases that sound utterly ridiculous to anyone with half a brain who is not familiar with the legal terms.

It’s not like I have been slacking I have been working myself silly I am trying to correct my error and hoping for the courts favor since I am not a lawyer and truth be told did a hell of a job in spite of but….

I sit in pain from fibro that is catching up with me for overdoing it, a migraine headache and nausea praying to not be fearful and to get this done before 4:30 and suck it up when I get slammed by the other side for my incompetence because I will. Wishing I had a family of support to walk through this with me mad at my bro for not helping out more with mom etc. wishing I were stronger and praying I am there for everyone I love who is in need at least half as much as everyone has been there for me.

I thought this was my week of freedom that after Monday it would be in the hands of God and court and it is except for the fact that now I must wait again I know I m not learning the lessons I just don’t know how. Life happens and we are blessed more then most but bad things occur everyday all my life it seems for every good thing there are double or triple yucky things.

“Things” really don’t matter but don’t mess with my mom she has endured enough loss in her lifetime if I tallied right our losses are over 300K but it could be more or less I’m not sure if I am adding right it really stinks, then there are business losses of close to 100k in funds not to mention the other stuff. I keep telling myself it just money just things but apparently I don’t believe it especially when I look at how my mom has struggled.

I am not a very gracious person I am not strong I have no dignity all I have is confusion and hurt. I wish I could be a noble person who graciously deals with life and loss better but I am where I am and I don’t like it.

VENTING!

Ok just a couple days to go and I am jumping out of my skin although I should say I am stuck in cement with this whole thing. Then today I discover the master cylinder is toast on my car and we have a leak outside the house and need a plumber just when I was getting on a roll on the case with sorting out the facts I get the word the stupid pipes in the laundry room have spring a leak. I AM SO STINKIN TIERED OF ALL THIS CRAP> oh and I am leaving about a TON of stuff!