The following pictures are of my dad who would have turned 79 today, it is hard for me to imagine my father being this age he was very youthful like my mom who is turning 75 and seems like she is 50 something. The photos are a priceless gift given to me many years ago by my aunt who has since passed away. I treasure the few I have of my father as a young man and pray one day I will have more.
My dad was goofy, told corny jokes, and gave great bear hugs, loved kids was sacrificial, played Hymns and Blue Grass on the mandolin and mumbled when he sang even though he had a nice voice. He embarrassed me on a regular basis loved Jesus and would spend many late nights reading the Bible. He liked to push my buttons about the KJB - he being a die hard Baptist did not like his daughter reading the other not nearly as accurate versions - I am sure he had a serious talk with God when I gave my first sermon the year after he died! LOL
he died several hours after talking to me on the phone, our ritual- I would close by saying "bye daddy I love you" and he would say "I do you too" classic response :) the day he died he never gave me a chance to say it, he told me he loved me and as I handed the phone to my mom I LOL and she teased him about it, those were the last words my dad said to me I am thankful for that.
The grief has changed over the years it is bitter sweet now filled with thanksgiving that he is not in pain or miserable because he had to retire so young. He is also free from the travesties of this world like 911 and the current war. He would have a few choice words to say about how women dress today and would probably whoop my butt for even watching extreme makeover even though I am 40! :)
We were making the transition from father daughter to father daughter and friends the year he died; I still think of him every day and miss him terribly....
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
INSOMNIA!
Ok, this is getting so old I need to sleep, my mind isn't so busy lately cause we have secured housing and the stress has been reduced considerably. I still worry too much but comparatively my mind is pretty quiet so why cant I stinkin sleep!
Monday, August 16, 2004
Catching up…
I talked with a real lawyer type person Friday, no voice mail no run around no telephone interview. We arranged a real face to face for Tuesday I am elated and pray this is the right person, so far it's the only one so...
Enjoyed my day of freedom Thursday, resisted the urge to run & dance naked through the house ;) - just worked, slept, did laundry and dealt with a broken water heater.
Went to one of the local tech schools Friday and finished my application for Continue ed classes, we will be teaching two aromatherapy workshops, hope it goes well and grows into more classes. The program looks promising and they have a larger Cont ed department then Miami. Found out I have to be finger printed etc, my anonymous existence on planet earth will soon cease!
Received really bad news about my last bit of funding late Fri afternoon, I was devastated had a hard time dealing. Worked myself into a frenzy for the market etc then had insomnia again and didn't fall to sleep until after 5 am - I then overslept and woke up at 10 am totally missed it, will probably burn more bridges although I pray I haven't!
Had a really good night Sat hanging with friends at Temberwolf for great concert it was SO worshipful David Crowder Band, Mercy Me, Michael W Smith it was probably one of the most relaxing worshipful times I have had in a while. I miss singing so much; I really need to try to do something no matter how bad I sound....
Went to hang with a friend for his first sermon today, he did a great job and it was fun cool to see him reaching out and touching lives. Crashed most of today too tiered from the weekend, up in time for house church which was great as always. Happy that students are coming back - sad our in depth discussions will change as time goes on.
Had a great time hanging with a friend tonight up town, lots of LOL and getting to know each other better looking forward to more relaxing nights Lord knows I need them. Now time to hopefully fall asleep - need to deal with funding issues in the morning and have a conference call for a biz venture I have been working on that baring another miracle is now lost. Time will tell, hope I can remain faithful..
Enjoyed my day of freedom Thursday, resisted the urge to run & dance naked through the house ;) - just worked, slept, did laundry and dealt with a broken water heater.
Went to one of the local tech schools Friday and finished my application for Continue ed classes, we will be teaching two aromatherapy workshops, hope it goes well and grows into more classes. The program looks promising and they have a larger Cont ed department then Miami. Found out I have to be finger printed etc, my anonymous existence on planet earth will soon cease!
Received really bad news about my last bit of funding late Fri afternoon, I was devastated had a hard time dealing. Worked myself into a frenzy for the market etc then had insomnia again and didn't fall to sleep until after 5 am - I then overslept and woke up at 10 am totally missed it, will probably burn more bridges although I pray I haven't!
Had a really good night Sat hanging with friends at Temberwolf for great concert it was SO worshipful David Crowder Band, Mercy Me, Michael W Smith it was probably one of the most relaxing worshipful times I have had in a while. I miss singing so much; I really need to try to do something no matter how bad I sound....
Went to hang with a friend for his first sermon today, he did a great job and it was fun cool to see him reaching out and touching lives. Crashed most of today too tiered from the weekend, up in time for house church which was great as always. Happy that students are coming back - sad our in depth discussions will change as time goes on.
Had a great time hanging with a friend tonight up town, lots of LOL and getting to know each other better looking forward to more relaxing nights Lord knows I need them. Now time to hopefully fall asleep - need to deal with funding issues in the morning and have a conference call for a biz venture I have been working on that baring another miracle is now lost. Time will tell, hope I can remain faithful..
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Sweet Sleep!
Things continue to move with the speed of a snail on the legal/mold hell front although I did have a productive day thanks to much needed sleep last night. Yesterday was a nightmare I hadn't slept more the 8-10 hrs in about 6 days, ended up extremely tiered vulnerable i.e. cried at the drop of a hat. Today after getting about 5 hrs sleep I am feeling so much better! It's amazing how much good sleep can make you feel - pray I can sleep again tonight. Looking forward to tomorrow - this sounds bad but my mom will be gone most of the day to a dinner theater so from morning till 3 or 4 I am a free woman I can crank up tunes etc! I love her tons but I rarely get a day just to be so I am looking forward to it.
Still amazed and grateful to have a roof over our heads, it is AMAZING that someone would do this for us; I still can't believe it at times. I fantasize about being able to help people one day in a significant way....
Tomorrow I plan to call an attorney a friend told me about today we also have a phone interview with a lawyer at 4 pm hopefully we will find someone soon who will do a great job, take the case on contingency etc.
Trying to decide if I have enough energy to go to a meteor shower party tonight, looks like it will be cold and a little cloudy but we might actually get to see a few little heavenly fireworks now all I have to do is get motivated and find some warm cloths to wear or crawl into bed and be lazy.
I keep forgetting to journal the latest happenings other then mold hell cause of the hectic nature of the past couple weeks. My friend is HOME from the hospital her surgery was a success and she is recovering. Her little friend (ok NOT so little:) Pan is now home with her and we miss her terribly, accept for the chunks of hair all over the house and yard! Two months ago we though she might die now there is hope although I continue to pray she can find the willpower to quit smoking before that takes its toll!
Still amazed and grateful to have a roof over our heads, it is AMAZING that someone would do this for us; I still can't believe it at times. I fantasize about being able to help people one day in a significant way....
Tomorrow I plan to call an attorney a friend told me about today we also have a phone interview with a lawyer at 4 pm hopefully we will find someone soon who will do a great job, take the case on contingency etc.
Trying to decide if I have enough energy to go to a meteor shower party tonight, looks like it will be cold and a little cloudy but we might actually get to see a few little heavenly fireworks now all I have to do is get motivated and find some warm cloths to wear or crawl into bed and be lazy.
I keep forgetting to journal the latest happenings other then mold hell cause of the hectic nature of the past couple weeks. My friend is HOME from the hospital her surgery was a success and she is recovering. Her little friend (ok NOT so little:) Pan is now home with her and we miss her terribly, accept for the chunks of hair all over the house and yard! Two months ago we though she might die now there is hope although I continue to pray she can find the willpower to quit smoking before that takes its toll!
Monday, August 09, 2004
God is always good
It's been awhile since I have written, stress taking its toll this past week as I battled multiple migraine headaches sleeplessness and fatigue. Our blessing came in a phone call early Saturday morning I was dazed and sleepy after being up all night ill. It still seems surreal, a gift too big to fathom to large to find the words to express the full extent of what dwells in the heart.
Ok, what is this huge blessing I must try to find the words to express? A local Christian businessman bought the house we are currently living in, and paid the back rent so we would have a place to live! How do you come to terms with the magnitude of his generosity the magnitude of our God and how our prayers are always answered on time even when we think they are not being answered at all. My faith has been shaken, and I admit it still is as the events of today unfolded and now crush hard against my spirit - my human nature revealed once again.
Even so, we are not homeless, when all was lost and seemed hopeless, when we were crying out to our Lord in despair a man we have barely seen in a multitude of years stepped forward and did the unimaginable. How do we come to terms with his generosity how do we come to terms with the doubt that has been in our heart as we have cried out to our God have you forsaken us?
At first we were in shock and as the day went on joy permeated our souls and filled us with light hearts our relief indescribable. A friend’s mom took one look at me at an Open House and said you look so light, the blessing lifted our spirits lighted our load and humbled us in new ways with gratitude immeasurable.
This morning we were almost robbed of that joy, at 8:30 am a fax arrived from our former attorney notifying us our case has been dismissed. On Friday shortly after the judges clerk assured me we could share our concerns with the judge on Tuesday and ask for a continuance the judge dismissed our case. No one called there was no significant notice given, maybe it was a blessing we had two days of unbelievable hope.
Ok, its not like we don’t have hope now but we are feeling the weight of the significance of this event. We are uncertain what the judge will do, I have tried writing him a letter several times but I am at a loss as to what needs to be said. My heart too close and too devastated by the circumstances and what this means if they refuse to reopen our case.
I cannot imagine not reopening the case it is a strong one, I find it hard to believe the actions of our insurance company could be justified. I ask myself where is justice and what kind of world do we live in? I remain hopeful but the hope I felt yesterday makes today’s feelings seem insignificant. I find myself crying out again where are you God have you forsaken us? Yet yesterday all I could do is say our God is a great God! Like the children of God wandering in the desert I have too quickly forgotten who my deliver is.
We will press on, we will not give up even though we feel as David as he hid in the mountains with his enemies surrounding him, betrayed by those he loved - we will continue to believe and reach for eternal joy. But I will not lie to myself or anyone else, I am broken, hurt, lonely and desperately want to walk in freedom and see justice served. All we can ever really do is pray continue to trust and ask God to increase our faith....
Ok, what is this huge blessing I must try to find the words to express? A local Christian businessman bought the house we are currently living in, and paid the back rent so we would have a place to live! How do you come to terms with the magnitude of his generosity the magnitude of our God and how our prayers are always answered on time even when we think they are not being answered at all. My faith has been shaken, and I admit it still is as the events of today unfolded and now crush hard against my spirit - my human nature revealed once again.
Even so, we are not homeless, when all was lost and seemed hopeless, when we were crying out to our Lord in despair a man we have barely seen in a multitude of years stepped forward and did the unimaginable. How do we come to terms with his generosity how do we come to terms with the doubt that has been in our heart as we have cried out to our God have you forsaken us?
At first we were in shock and as the day went on joy permeated our souls and filled us with light hearts our relief indescribable. A friend’s mom took one look at me at an Open House and said you look so light, the blessing lifted our spirits lighted our load and humbled us in new ways with gratitude immeasurable.
This morning we were almost robbed of that joy, at 8:30 am a fax arrived from our former attorney notifying us our case has been dismissed. On Friday shortly after the judges clerk assured me we could share our concerns with the judge on Tuesday and ask for a continuance the judge dismissed our case. No one called there was no significant notice given, maybe it was a blessing we had two days of unbelievable hope.
Ok, its not like we don’t have hope now but we are feeling the weight of the significance of this event. We are uncertain what the judge will do, I have tried writing him a letter several times but I am at a loss as to what needs to be said. My heart too close and too devastated by the circumstances and what this means if they refuse to reopen our case.
I cannot imagine not reopening the case it is a strong one, I find it hard to believe the actions of our insurance company could be justified. I ask myself where is justice and what kind of world do we live in? I remain hopeful but the hope I felt yesterday makes today’s feelings seem insignificant. I find myself crying out again where are you God have you forsaken us? Yet yesterday all I could do is say our God is a great God! Like the children of God wandering in the desert I have too quickly forgotten who my deliver is.
We will press on, we will not give up even though we feel as David as he hid in the mountains with his enemies surrounding him, betrayed by those he loved - we will continue to believe and reach for eternal joy. But I will not lie to myself or anyone else, I am broken, hurt, lonely and desperately want to walk in freedom and see justice served. All we can ever really do is pray continue to trust and ask God to increase our faith....
Monday, August 02, 2004
Veritasian wedding II
All I can say is WOW ok, I can say more then that :) in two weeks I have seen two beautiful couples marry both totally in love with each other and Jesus. Each wedding unique and a sweet reflection of the relationship Christ longs to have with us. Erik and Christi had a simple traditional wedding and I found myself fighting back tears before Christi made it three steps into the room. The ceremony the vows beautiful and reveling the truth of there hearts.
Jason and Andrea chose to have there wedding on Saturday at the home we meet in for house church. Quiet intimate and very family oriented we all pitched in some way and it reminded me of stories I have heard about weddings hundreds if not thousands of years ago. It was touching I am sure the whole place was in tears at some point I know I was. It was sweet words seem inappropriate I think if you were there you would understand what I mean. The presence of God lay thick all around us there were times I felt I could look up and see Christ.
Two couples you cannot help but love, I look forward to watching them grow closer to each other there community and God :)
Jason and Andrea chose to have there wedding on Saturday at the home we meet in for house church. Quiet intimate and very family oriented we all pitched in some way and it reminded me of stories I have heard about weddings hundreds if not thousands of years ago. It was touching I am sure the whole place was in tears at some point I know I was. It was sweet words seem inappropriate I think if you were there you would understand what I mean. The presence of God lay thick all around us there were times I felt I could look up and see Christ.
Two couples you cannot help but love, I look forward to watching them grow closer to each other there community and God :)
Typical Friday
Friday was a totally strange day; I have given up on anyone returning phone calls it was another day of strategizing and researching with no results to speak of. I have to believe there is a reason for this or I will go crazy maybe it is just life just the circumstances of the culture we live in. but my heart longs for a reason a delay with a greater purpose for a greater good?
I had planed to go to cinti to hang with friends but my bro and his wife ended up coming over to do laundry and have dinner with us so I changed my plans - then they showed up two hrs late! I was so pissed off it was frustrating didn’t bother to heat up there dinner either tell me your coming at 6 pm you sure as hell should be there within reason and not at 8pm, and not with some lame ass excuse about playing a stupid video game, he is not 10 years old but 42!
I had planed to go to cinti to hang with friends but my bro and his wife ended up coming over to do laundry and have dinner with us so I changed my plans - then they showed up two hrs late! I was so pissed off it was frustrating didn’t bother to heat up there dinner either tell me your coming at 6 pm you sure as hell should be there within reason and not at 8pm, and not with some lame ass excuse about playing a stupid video game, he is not 10 years old but 42!
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