awip.us Volume II - Wall Street Money Drop w Shane Claiborne

wow~ Love this Simple way rocks!

Dove Evolution

I probably shouldn't be posting this. especially with my self esteem issues and how media and my past experiences have played a roll...but this made me lol so incredibly hard ~ it's hysterical!

Dangling

I just can’t do it; I stare at it I know what it says I just cant open it. Sometimes it feels like I am dangling from the highest peak with no rescue in sight. Ok, I know what IT says it’s what they all say No, Nope Nada.

This time I allowed myself hope that it would work there is a part of me that feels like I should have known better. The other part still clings to a plan yet to be reviled in the chaos.

God have mercy, I know there must be a plan a purpose in all this but I seem to be blinded to the ultimate reality that awaits us.

Sometimes, as I dangle from my mountain peak all I can see are the jagged rocks at the bottom.

A good life

I just learned a dear friend passed away on Sunday she was 107 years old she was born in 1899. I will try to blog about her later, when I can, she was one of my favorite people ~ an inspiration. I will miss her and our long chats her sweet smile and her quirky humor~ she lived a good life.....

Home sick etc

I have been working on the never ending battle we are so grateful for our small victory over the summary motion. However, I still find myself a bit overwhelmed by the gravity of it all and feeling incredibly inept especially when I think of a potential trial we cry out praying we find legal council soon.

The hearing went as expected. A few things were said that really frustrated me like the corporate demigods counsel stating we had run through a lot of lawyers hum…. lets see ONE lawyer and a bunch of others who just looked at the case and decided it was not their expertise, too complicated, oh yeah and the biggie wanted a HUGE retainer we didn't have!

The second was a stab in the gut “I believe the judge cut you a break with the summery” OK maybe he did but I would really like to believe he didn't we have good evidence. A paper trail of evidence and I noticed the opposing counsel in our conversation after the hearing kept coming back to a point I truly believe will be easy to discredit. So I am trying really hard not to feel like a total moron!

I feel like we need a break just someone to listen to us to be our rainmaker ~ the clouds in the sky already look promising. It all boils down to money and time. I wish I knew of a “non profit” law firm who goes after injustice. There are non profit firms that deal with social justice but who tackles the true valid case that takes a lot of time and energy? Contingency is fine I have no issue with a firm for profit or non profit being paid it’s the whole idea in law today that if the case isn't worth over a million we don’t take it! I have actually been told this by firms – scary huh? The number of ambulance chasers out there is staggering medical malpractice personal injury etc who tackles true injustice for the average person left destitute by circumstances beyond there control brought about by negligence?

I really feel for everyone like us dealing with this if you do an Internet search you will find thousands of stories like ours some people living in trailers for years or in hotel rooms or with their families others like us relocated to “temporary” housing. There property in ruin filing bankruptcy and the government still allows “them” to get by with it. Loop holes within loop holes, changing the law and instead of honoring the case that has been at court for 5 years based on the law at that time the case is thrown out due to the new law passed. Grandfathered in, in favor of big business where is the justice in that!

The glamour of those struck by Katrina is fading so many still hurting and displaced so we are not alone, what should we do, do we fight? How do we regain our lives in spite of and seek justice in a world corrupted by power? It is so sad I ache for those hurting I especially ache for mom. We may not be victims of a hurricane but we can sure relate to the injustice of insurance companies.

As I sifted through photos to send the “other side” I began crying thoughts going through my head “I want to go home” it may not have been much by today’s standards in the world but it is ours and it was almost paid for. I was looking at the pix of the back field the beautiful blue sky and amber grass on our little hill ~ we have quite a view, it makes me sad I want to go home…….

One flew over the coo coos nest!

Ok, partial confession leaving out details they would just send the peep's with the white coats running to my door!.

I totally lost it tonight due to stress insomnia and the continuing chaos of finding legal council lack of a real support system yadda yadda yadda, excuses, excuses. Well anyway I totally blew up tonight at a stranger no less! A poor unsuspecting person just out and about doing their job. I am absolutely mortified! After said incidence, I broke down in frustration and shame and just cried. Then jumped on line in escape mode to research the case until I stopped crying.

Tomorrow I go back to being the great pretender worthy of only the highest Oscar honors "We are hanging in there" can I just say BIG FAT LIE!

I So need a vacation!

We So need a miracle!

Thank God we have come as far as we have in this whole mess but well I am a mess! Oscar performance temporarily halted for a little reality!

Note to self MONEY will buy anyone a lawyer (too bad we have none), people have and always will like "the act" feel more comfortable around the shallow and love hanging out with the really cool people who dress really cool because being famous and or really cool is well just so damn cool!

Where are those peeps with the not so cool white coats ~ they B late!

Ok, don't get your knickers in a knot I am just blowing off steam!

Sleepy

I have been up for almost three hours I am sleepy and it just not working I am trying not to worry but that is so easier said than done! It will be better when mom is home and things bounce back to normal it will be better when we find a lawyer my mind is filled with stuff about the case things I need for the meeting on Monday praying this guy is the one. Right now my mind is too busy and I yon more than I am breathing right now lol.

I am trying so hard to think positive that we will win that this mess will be over soon and it will decrees the stress in our lives, especially want this for mom I want her to be free of stress and at peace for the rest of her life not worried about if we will be homeless or have utilities cut off etc. I ache for her I want her to spend the rest of her life doing what she loves and is called to do ~ not stuck in this horrible mess.

Trying to be thankful in spite of and to a degree I think I am I think we are it will get better and God will show Himself once again as He always does…..

Bureaucracy

I seemed to be filled with anger and rage today s I deal with medical and insurance bureaucracy I am too tiered to write all the details. But it looks like insurance may not pay for in home treatment we may need to do rehab after all. Finding a place to take someone with a pulmonary infection is a nightmare too few beds to few reliable facilities.

So I battle anger and frustration against my will? I try to get a hold on the rage of insurance hell and question is it righteous or just me wanting my way for what I think is best for my mom? I am angry at hypocrisy and angry at the bureaucratic rule that thinks more of the bottom line than human life. so I b swimmin neked again huh : )

Bloggin in the Weeeee

So, it is early or late depending on your train of thought. It just took me 22 minutes to get on line. Once I started the computer time slowed to ridiculous now I have lost much of my interest in writing the things that continue to float through my head ~ but I will try anyway for a little while.

Mom is still in hospital its nine days in just a few minutes she is doing well but tiered and even though she is tiered she seems willing to put up wit the tests in an attempt to get to the bottom of things~ not fun but hopefully we will have answers. Anyway it looks like she will be sprung from the big house ie the hospital on Monday and come in every day for IV treatments until the end of the week.

I will be happy to see her home as soon as possible and get back to normal, well as normal as it gets around here anyway. I meet with an attorney on Monday and pray he will work with us pray he is the right person etc.

I had all this stuff floating in my head when I woke up now nada brainus interuptus from computer hell, oh well I do appreciate my aging relic in spite of…..I would go for a walk but it looks a bit foreboding out side a foggy hue of burnt orange and darkness ~ kinda ere.


So I will go back to bed perchance to sleep…