God is always good

It's been awhile since I have written, stress taking its toll this past week as I battled multiple migraine headaches sleeplessness and fatigue. Our blessing came in a phone call early Saturday morning I was dazed and sleepy after being up all night ill. It still seems surreal, a gift too big to fathom to large to find the words to express the full extent of what dwells in the heart.

Ok, what is this huge blessing I must try to find the words to express? A local Christian businessman bought the house we are currently living in, and paid the back rent so we would have a place to live! How do you come to terms with the magnitude of his generosity the magnitude of our God and how our prayers are always answered on time even when we think they are not being answered at all. My faith has been shaken, and I admit it still is as the events of today unfolded and now crush hard against my spirit - my human nature revealed once again.

Even so, we are not homeless, when all was lost and seemed hopeless, when we were crying out to our Lord in despair a man we have barely seen in a multitude of years stepped forward and did the unimaginable. How do we come to terms with his generosity how do we come to terms with the doubt that has been in our heart as we have cried out to our God have you forsaken us?

At first we were in shock and as the day went on joy permeated our souls and filled us with light hearts our relief indescribable. A friend’s mom took one look at me at an Open House and said you look so light, the blessing lifted our spirits lighted our load and humbled us in new ways with gratitude immeasurable.

This morning we were almost robbed of that joy, at 8:30 am a fax arrived from our former attorney notifying us our case has been dismissed. On Friday shortly after the judges clerk assured me we could share our concerns with the judge on Tuesday and ask for a continuance the judge dismissed our case. No one called there was no significant notice given, maybe it was a blessing we had two days of unbelievable hope.

Ok, its not like we don’t have hope now but we are feeling the weight of the significance of this event. We are uncertain what the judge will do, I have tried writing him a letter several times but I am at a loss as to what needs to be said. My heart too close and too devastated by the circumstances and what this means if they refuse to reopen our case.

I cannot imagine not reopening the case it is a strong one, I find it hard to believe the actions of our insurance company could be justified. I ask myself where is justice and what kind of world do we live in? I remain hopeful but the hope I felt yesterday makes today’s feelings seem insignificant. I find myself crying out again where are you God have you forsaken us? Yet yesterday all I could do is say our God is a great God! Like the children of God wandering in the desert I have too quickly forgotten who my deliver is.

We will press on, we will not give up even though we feel as David as he hid in the mountains with his enemies surrounding him, betrayed by those he loved - we will continue to believe and reach for eternal joy. But I will not lie to myself or anyone else, I am broken, hurt, lonely and desperately want to walk in freedom and see justice served. All we can ever really do is pray continue to trust and ask God to increase our faith....