Digging out of despair?

I am overwhelmed- so what else is new right? Everything seems in vein I can’t function I am tiered weary bla, bla, bla, same old story. Cant cope, cant function all my energy goes into trying to be normal in front of friends or on the phone being professional and I am failing horribly at that-- no one calls me back anyway so why bother?

Moms fall was devastating I hurt for her -- so thankful she is ok it could have been much worse then what it was and it sure isn't a picnic! The medication issues are horrifying I don't know how to help her or what to do. I feel like the insomnia is destroying me, mold is destroying me like a cancer it is rotting away my life, our lives, and our very existence seems threatened?

My cry's for help seem in vein as well, falling on deaf ears, I don’t even know what to do what to ask for I have no understanding of what can be done what I can do? My tears are useless just sobs of self pity and despair that mean nothing! I am not strong enough to do this, most the time I can't even talk about it exhausts me. I am sick of nausea and headaches and insomnia I am sick of hurting I am so tiered sick of my self absorbed nature poor me poor mom, I say I refuse to be a victim yet I act like one most likely.

I am so tiered I just cant do this, we need help we need a real support system we need an advocate I suppose that makes me lazy and maybe that's true because right now all I want to do is run away -- like that's an original thought in this stupid fish bowl! There is a part of me that wants to just crawl in a quiet place and let life pass me by it is just too hard-- if things are not filed by Friday we will definitely suffer for it, but I am tiered of fighting tiered of struggling every day in vein and it's not like I am accomplishing anything anyway?

So then what? If I crawl into my hole, where is justice served do we file bankruptcy-- Cynergy will not wait for that, my car could soon disappear from the driveway. I am broken beaten and too tiered for words, it seems a fantasy to ever think our trials could make a difference in the world. If we cannot grow and find our purpose in the midst of them if we cannot learn from them and grow and help others what is it for?

I rant and rave I want to crawl in my hole of despair but even that is futile I cannot I have to press on have to think of mom so in a few hours I will start the charade all over again pretend to be normal in hope I can find help. Never thought I could possibly sink so low into despair - I am so tiered.... All I can do is try to pick myself up and pray I don't fall flat on my face!