It just dawned on me, the reason I hurt so much, I allowed myself to hope I expected that after 4 months of investigation they must have found a way to help. How can the evil Insurance company, contractors, inspectors and lawyers get by with this it has ruined our lives.
One way not to hurt so much never ever ever ever have expectation or hope then you wont fall so hard But hey every time I hit rock bottom a whole is blast into the bed rock I have crumbled to and we sore into oblivion again.
I want to hope I want to have good expectations but with a five year laundry list like ours how can you? I should be thankful for what we have thankful for the roof over our heads but now with what is going on with mom that may even disappear soon.
I really am pathetic, and if you are thinking of giving into my self pity party and commenting please reconsider I am well aware of the truth my heart is just too hurt listen right now. We have been beaten too long and I really don’t want to be job and I am far from cool and strong like Palmer and others that deal with life so sweetly when they face unbelievable hardship.
Everyone says have faith God will restore what the locusts has eaten, well that’s true and He has in the past but will He in our lifetime? I am selfish I want my mom back, I want the time stolen from being with our friends who died in the middle of this, I want my business or at least some little dream hoped of along the way, I want our equity in our house or the house to sell at full value and a home of our own. I want too much and have nothing to give in return.
I am alone with love all around me
Lost in the midst of salvation
Raped by the evil of the world
Rejected most of all by me
Weary and want real faith
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I won't give any rosy platitudes. That's the last thing you need right now. I'm here to listen. Call me anytime. It sucks and I agree it just sucks. i won't ever say suck it up, be strong, count your blessings, and all that other susie sunshine crap.
Sometime later when you have a single settled moment, maybe we can just focus on letting go of some things. Don't bang your head against the wall anymore.
If it helps any, I don't think all the lawyers, insurance companies, etc. all have it in for you. True you had a pretty malicious laywer, who wasn't malicious toward just you but toward everyone around him, but though some other people may have meant well and others probably didn't know what to do or just couldn't feel your pain or anyone else's, I don't think many of those people intentionally tried to hurt or damage you and your mother.
It may be that the current state of health of your mom, though very unfortunate, is, lamentably, something that is happening due to her age and other health problems, and nothing you or anyone could have done would have stopped it from happening. It may be one small comfort to know that if she's mentally "out of it", perhaps that actually shields her from some of the pain around her. I wonder sometimes if people in that state of mind, if God is actually using that state of mind to communicate with them on a special level for specific purposes.
Call me and we can get together soon.
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