pathetic me

I’m numb, a few min ago I cried for a few seconds I quickly shut down. I’m tiered who would ever think life could be so hard. I don’ even know why I’m writing I don’t know if I have anything to say. Just want to escape want to turn back the last 5 years wish we had never heard of CDBG for handicapped it is the most evil thing ever. its so hard to think of what we have the losses are so huge. My business our home our belongings our dignity and now the most heart wrenching ~ has my mother lost her mind?

I hurt for her more then I ever thought you could hurt, and then I hurt for me and the lost time of the past five years and wonder if it will ever be redeemed. How can people deal with loosing so very much I know we aren’t alone I just don’t know how others do it? I’m crumbling, actually I have already crumbled big pile of self pity on the floor in a heap of despair - oh what fun I am today.

It could always be worse and it could get worse at least I know no matter what God loves me even if I am pissed at Him for not jumping in here when I want Him too with the big stuff.