Storm inside

Its 4 am the storm outside is incredible thunder is amazing energy in the air hard to sleep although it would be hard anyway received a very confusing letter from the court today. The opposing counsel refused mediation I was lead to believe it was a done deal that no one would refuse it.

It convinces me more that they are trying to push this thing out of the way ASAP because they have a lot to lose. I will have to find counsel in the next three months for summery judgment and hide this knowledge from mom to protect her. Realistically it will need to happen quicker then that like in the next week! This is the craziest thing I have ever seen to have so much blatant evidence and get this kind of run around is just absurd.

I don’t know how to do this, how to trust, how to surrender, how to just let it flow and not worry as I start the never ending phone calls again? Deep in my gut I feel it so strong the urgency and righteousness of our fight I have no doubt of negligence bad faith breech of contract etc would be proved if someone would only help us. This is crazy how can this go on how can we be left destitute from the negligence of others fighting for justice only to be turned away from blind eyes and deaf ears?

So much for my naiveté but then I’m not in a “everything will work out in the end” kind of mode anymore wish I were I’ve seen too much “reality” I desire so much to believe it will be ok but only a small part of me does. My spirit has been crushed by the everyday toil of survival thankful for a roof over our heads, thankful for friends, praying we can continue to keep our noses above water just a little longer and not sure how long before the water rises the last inch ~still praying for a miracle.

This is hard!