Em
Thank you or the encouragement and the prayers good to see you Friday wish I could have hung out more I had a wicked headache. Ricardo and Marilyn’s Hot Tub has spoiled me I dream of one outside my back door with plenty of room for friends! I have decided to name the sofa mount laundry and pretend the hair on the floor from kitty friends is a new decorating idea! (
Amanda,
Hey hope your well we need to try to start walking again on Mondays hopefully things will settle down with my mom soon. Thank you for prayers and for believing I’m not crazy ~ although I would challenge that with I Sure Feel Stinkin Crazy! Stress sucks, hard to think clearly with the entire chaos guess it’s easy just to write yourself off as a total wack job?
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Storm inside
Its 4 am the storm outside is incredible thunder is amazing energy in the air hard to sleep although it would be hard anyway received a very confusing letter from the court today. The opposing counsel refused mediation I was lead to believe it was a done deal that no one would refuse it.
It convinces me more that they are trying to push this thing out of the way ASAP because they have a lot to lose. I will have to find counsel in the next three months for summery judgment and hide this knowledge from mom to protect her. Realistically it will need to happen quicker then that like in the next week! This is the craziest thing I have ever seen to have so much blatant evidence and get this kind of run around is just absurd.
I don’t know how to do this, how to trust, how to surrender, how to just let it flow and not worry as I start the never ending phone calls again? Deep in my gut I feel it so strong the urgency and righteousness of our fight I have no doubt of negligence bad faith breech of contract etc would be proved if someone would only help us. This is crazy how can this go on how can we be left destitute from the negligence of others fighting for justice only to be turned away from blind eyes and deaf ears?
So much for my naiveté but then I’m not in a “everything will work out in the end” kind of mode anymore wish I were I’ve seen too much “reality” I desire so much to believe it will be ok but only a small part of me does. My spirit has been crushed by the everyday toil of survival thankful for a roof over our heads, thankful for friends, praying we can continue to keep our noses above water just a little longer and not sure how long before the water rises the last inch ~still praying for a miracle.
This is hard!
It convinces me more that they are trying to push this thing out of the way ASAP because they have a lot to lose. I will have to find counsel in the next three months for summery judgment and hide this knowledge from mom to protect her. Realistically it will need to happen quicker then that like in the next week! This is the craziest thing I have ever seen to have so much blatant evidence and get this kind of run around is just absurd.
I don’t know how to do this, how to trust, how to surrender, how to just let it flow and not worry as I start the never ending phone calls again? Deep in my gut I feel it so strong the urgency and righteousness of our fight I have no doubt of negligence bad faith breech of contract etc would be proved if someone would only help us. This is crazy how can this go on how can we be left destitute from the negligence of others fighting for justice only to be turned away from blind eyes and deaf ears?
So much for my naiveté but then I’m not in a “everything will work out in the end” kind of mode anymore wish I were I’ve seen too much “reality” I desire so much to believe it will be ok but only a small part of me does. My spirit has been crushed by the everyday toil of survival thankful for a roof over our heads, thankful for friends, praying we can continue to keep our noses above water just a little longer and not sure how long before the water rises the last inch ~still praying for a miracle.
This is hard!
Sunday, November 13, 2005
whining
I bailed early on HC tonight which totally bummed me out rushed to the store to get detergent sorted cloths ~ working on my second load oh what fun! So now the goal is to get all the major stuff done so I can get to bed so I can wake up at an ungodly hour. Instead of mopping the yucky kitchen floor I sit typing listening to the garden state and wishing I could motivate myself wishing I had not left HC early.
The goal is to only see mom every other day this week and pack as many LSW meetings and dr calls in as I can to prepare for mom’s return home. Praying like crazy it is not premature praying we have all the support in place before next week. Insurance expires for her one month stay on Thanksgiving Day so I will try to find someone to help bring her home Wednesday.
Ok so… I sit frustrated tiered and wishing for hum…. a clean house, folded laundry a good bottle of wine and a hot tub lol ~ I had to add something a little exiting! Well the laundry awaits as does the dishwasher and the trash maybe if I turn the tunes up really loud and jump around a bit I will pump up the adrenalin and at least accomplish one goal for the night.
The goal is to only see mom every other day this week and pack as many LSW meetings and dr calls in as I can to prepare for mom’s return home. Praying like crazy it is not premature praying we have all the support in place before next week. Insurance expires for her one month stay on Thanksgiving Day so I will try to find someone to help bring her home Wednesday.
Ok so… I sit frustrated tiered and wishing for hum…. a clean house, folded laundry a good bottle of wine and a hot tub lol ~ I had to add something a little exiting! Well the laundry awaits as does the dishwasher and the trash maybe if I turn the tunes up really loud and jump around a bit I will pump up the adrenalin and at least accomplish one goal for the night.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
False expectations
It just dawned on me, the reason I hurt so much, I allowed myself to hope I expected that after 4 months of investigation they must have found a way to help. How can the evil Insurance company, contractors, inspectors and lawyers get by with this it has ruined our lives.
One way not to hurt so much never ever ever ever have expectation or hope then you wont fall so hard But hey every time I hit rock bottom a whole is blast into the bed rock I have crumbled to and we sore into oblivion again.
I want to hope I want to have good expectations but with a five year laundry list like ours how can you? I should be thankful for what we have thankful for the roof over our heads but now with what is going on with mom that may even disappear soon.
I really am pathetic, and if you are thinking of giving into my self pity party and commenting please reconsider I am well aware of the truth my heart is just too hurt listen right now. We have been beaten too long and I really don’t want to be job and I am far from cool and strong like Palmer and others that deal with life so sweetly when they face unbelievable hardship.
Everyone says have faith God will restore what the locusts has eaten, well that’s true and He has in the past but will He in our lifetime? I am selfish I want my mom back, I want the time stolen from being with our friends who died in the middle of this, I want my business or at least some little dream hoped of along the way, I want our equity in our house or the house to sell at full value and a home of our own. I want too much and have nothing to give in return.
I am alone with love all around me
Lost in the midst of salvation
Raped by the evil of the world
Rejected most of all by me
Weary and want real faith
One way not to hurt so much never ever ever ever have expectation or hope then you wont fall so hard But hey every time I hit rock bottom a whole is blast into the bed rock I have crumbled to and we sore into oblivion again.
I want to hope I want to have good expectations but with a five year laundry list like ours how can you? I should be thankful for what we have thankful for the roof over our heads but now with what is going on with mom that may even disappear soon.
I really am pathetic, and if you are thinking of giving into my self pity party and commenting please reconsider I am well aware of the truth my heart is just too hurt listen right now. We have been beaten too long and I really don’t want to be job and I am far from cool and strong like Palmer and others that deal with life so sweetly when they face unbelievable hardship.
Everyone says have faith God will restore what the locusts has eaten, well that’s true and He has in the past but will He in our lifetime? I am selfish I want my mom back, I want the time stolen from being with our friends who died in the middle of this, I want my business or at least some little dream hoped of along the way, I want our equity in our house or the house to sell at full value and a home of our own. I want too much and have nothing to give in return.
I am alone with love all around me
Lost in the midst of salvation
Raped by the evil of the world
Rejected most of all by me
Weary and want real faith
Friday, November 04, 2005
pathetic me
I’m numb, a few min ago I cried for a few seconds I quickly shut down. I’m tiered who would ever think life could be so hard. I don’ even know why I’m writing I don’t know if I have anything to say. Just want to escape want to turn back the last 5 years wish we had never heard of CDBG for handicapped it is the most evil thing ever. its so hard to think of what we have the losses are so huge. My business our home our belongings our dignity and now the most heart wrenching ~ has my mother lost her mind?
I hurt for her more then I ever thought you could hurt, and then I hurt for me and the lost time of the past five years and wonder if it will ever be redeemed. How can people deal with loosing so very much I know we aren’t alone I just don’t know how others do it? I’m crumbling, actually I have already crumbled big pile of self pity on the floor in a heap of despair - oh what fun I am today.
It could always be worse and it could get worse at least I know no matter what God loves me even if I am pissed at Him for not jumping in here when I want Him too with the big stuff.
I hurt for her more then I ever thought you could hurt, and then I hurt for me and the lost time of the past five years and wonder if it will ever be redeemed. How can people deal with loosing so very much I know we aren’t alone I just don’t know how others do it? I’m crumbling, actually I have already crumbled big pile of self pity on the floor in a heap of despair - oh what fun I am today.
It could always be worse and it could get worse at least I know no matter what God loves me even if I am pissed at Him for not jumping in here when I want Him too with the big stuff.
blogger glitch
One thing you have to do for a lot of blogs now is type in the word verification so you can prove you're not spam. Could that be the problem?
Posted by Ann to Mutterings at 11/04/2005 09:34:30 AM
I wish that was it, I can’t even do that tried to comment about Oreo on your blog it wouldn’t let me. Apparently my fire wall has blocked me from logging in and posting but I can use the Blogger publish button I installed in Word a while back so until I can figure it out.
We ALL no the spare time I have with driving back and forth 80 + min a day visiting mom hanging out at Dr. appointments dealing with rehab, staff administration and oh wait trying to walk every day and get in bed earlier so I can spend 6- 8 hrs again doing it ALL over again. I am soooooooo tiered ~ sux to be me huh?
I know, I am in rare for today still worried about mom; she seems a little better, still no sign of dementia thankfully but she is way out there at times. They ordered another UTI screen and more blood work. The new Dr said delirium but it has been a month. She is doing very well physically except for not sleeping which is a huge deal ~ they hope a few weeks sleep will help but say the older you are the longer it can take…
Posted by Ann to Mutterings at 11/04/2005 09:34:30 AM
I wish that was it, I can’t even do that tried to comment about Oreo on your blog it wouldn’t let me. Apparently my fire wall has blocked me from logging in and posting but I can use the Blogger publish button I installed in Word a while back so until I can figure it out.
We ALL no the spare time I have with driving back and forth 80 + min a day visiting mom hanging out at Dr. appointments dealing with rehab, staff administration and oh wait trying to walk every day and get in bed earlier so I can spend 6- 8 hrs again doing it ALL over again. I am soooooooo tiered ~ sux to be me huh?
I know, I am in rare for today still worried about mom; she seems a little better, still no sign of dementia thankfully but she is way out there at times. They ordered another UTI screen and more blood work. The new Dr said delirium but it has been a month. She is doing very well physically except for not sleeping which is a huge deal ~ they hope a few weeks sleep will help but say the older you are the longer it can take…
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Blog Comments
Blog Comments
hi I wanted to let everyone know I appreciate your comments, unfortunately until I get rid of a comp glitch I cannot respond in the comments section so…. in an attempt to be polite to the wonderful anonymous peeps perusing my crazy I will comment here (
I was looking through some blogs and stumbled upon yours. I too had my 20th year reunion last year...it is amazing how the time flies by. God tells us our life is but a vapor...how true it is.
Hi Dale welcome to my blog sorry for not responding sooner this glitch is a bit of a pain not sure how long till I can work it out.
Congrats on your 20th! time definitely flies ~ most the time I still think I’m only 20. I totally agree life is but a vapor although 20 yrs ago I would have felt differently. It’s amazing how our lives and perspectives change as we age. One minute we think we can conquer the world because we are invincible the next we are awakened to the sweetness and frailty of life.
Feel free to visit any time hope I haven’t scare you off life has been a challenge lately and I find this blog to be a place of vulnerability as well as freedom as I walk through the madness and lean on God. oh and also let friends and strangers find out how really screwed up I am. ;)
I'm glad you were able to get a taste of, what sounds like, true Christianity. It's joyful and real, with its hope set on Jesus. He's the only perfect one and I'll be the first to say I'm not. Many times I'm a big ol hypocrite and I hate that. I hate that people might not choose Jesus because they see me. If you've not given Him a chance before, I'd encourage you--He's pretty life-changing.
Hi Anonymous
Welcome thanks for your comment – I totally, totally agree with you and contrary to the impression I give in some of my posts. I am a Christian who struggling with my own hypocrisy and that of the church. As a white bread chick from the wrong side of the tracks currently living in Middle America (oh how I wish it were middle earth ;) and disillusioned with the main stream church I get, um, let see, how should I put it, a little wordy at times.
The group I was describing in my post is 90% African American I love their passion for God I love the fact that as a culture the African American Christians I know are not ashamed of saying the name of Jesus and letting their joy be seen. Now I know that a lot of other peeps of different races that aren’t ashamed too, but, it seams sometimes that they are few and far between and when some of them say something “all godly sounding” I just want to hurl cause sometimes it just seems SO fake.
I think my post was, as usual, an attempt at kicking myself in the pants ~ trying to work through my own faith. I grew up in a toxic church filled with sour pusses, crack a smile and I was scared the pastor might think I was up to something and call me out then and there. So ya might say I am a bit jaded, oh also being a former youth minister doesn’t help any either that’s were you see all the fun volunteering is so much nicer. (
Ok, as you can see I am still struggling with a few things, guess I want people to see the love of Christ in me I want it too ooze from my pours. I want everyone to know the love of Christ I have welling inside of me so they may desire to know Christ too because it totally changes your life for the better ~ even if we all so have more then a few warts. I don’t want to stuff it in because I’m too damn cool for Christ.
Anyway be blessed Anonymous and Dale welcome to my crazy anytime.
hi I wanted to let everyone know I appreciate your comments, unfortunately until I get rid of a comp glitch I cannot respond in the comments section so…. in an attempt to be polite to the wonderful anonymous peeps perusing my crazy I will comment here (
I was looking through some blogs and stumbled upon yours. I too had my 20th year reunion last year...it is amazing how the time flies by. God tells us our life is but a vapor...how true it is.
Hi Dale welcome to my blog sorry for not responding sooner this glitch is a bit of a pain not sure how long till I can work it out.
Congrats on your 20th! time definitely flies ~ most the time I still think I’m only 20. I totally agree life is but a vapor although 20 yrs ago I would have felt differently. It’s amazing how our lives and perspectives change as we age. One minute we think we can conquer the world because we are invincible the next we are awakened to the sweetness and frailty of life.
Feel free to visit any time hope I haven’t scare you off life has been a challenge lately and I find this blog to be a place of vulnerability as well as freedom as I walk through the madness and lean on God. oh and also let friends and strangers find out how really screwed up I am. ;)
I'm glad you were able to get a taste of, what sounds like, true Christianity. It's joyful and real, with its hope set on Jesus. He's the only perfect one and I'll be the first to say I'm not. Many times I'm a big ol hypocrite and I hate that. I hate that people might not choose Jesus because they see me. If you've not given Him a chance before, I'd encourage you--He's pretty life-changing.
Hi Anonymous
Welcome thanks for your comment – I totally, totally agree with you and contrary to the impression I give in some of my posts. I am a Christian who struggling with my own hypocrisy and that of the church. As a white bread chick from the wrong side of the tracks currently living in Middle America (oh how I wish it were middle earth ;) and disillusioned with the main stream church I get, um, let see, how should I put it, a little wordy at times.
The group I was describing in my post is 90% African American I love their passion for God I love the fact that as a culture the African American Christians I know are not ashamed of saying the name of Jesus and letting their joy be seen. Now I know that a lot of other peeps of different races that aren’t ashamed too, but, it seams sometimes that they are few and far between and when some of them say something “all godly sounding” I just want to hurl cause sometimes it just seems SO fake.
I think my post was, as usual, an attempt at kicking myself in the pants ~ trying to work through my own faith. I grew up in a toxic church filled with sour pusses, crack a smile and I was scared the pastor might think I was up to something and call me out then and there. So ya might say I am a bit jaded, oh also being a former youth minister doesn’t help any either that’s were you see all the fun volunteering is so much nicer. (
Ok, as you can see I am still struggling with a few things, guess I want people to see the love of Christ in me I want it too ooze from my pours. I want everyone to know the love of Christ I have welling inside of me so they may desire to know Christ too because it totally changes your life for the better ~ even if we all so have more then a few warts. I don’t want to stuff it in because I’m too damn cool for Christ.
Anyway be blessed Anonymous and Dale welcome to my crazy anytime.
Political Conversion
Political Conversions
Ok, for a lot of you this will be HIGHLY offensive just remember it is satire a little extreme in parts a little too close to reality in parts either way I LOL until I had tears in my eyes.
http://www.thefrown.com/player.php?/frowners/becomerepublican
Monday, October 31, 2005
REAL NIGHTMARE
REAL NIGHTMARE
This is really scary beats most Halloween nightmares now I know the system is far form perfect is this really the way to solve the deficit?
I agree as a government its stupid to spend money it doesn’t have how bout calling in a few IOU’s or cutting hummmmm lets see spending on a WAR IN IRAQ brought about by suspicious non existent Intel!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/food_farm_programs
House Panel OKs School Lunch Funding CutBy LIBBY QUAID, Associated Press Writer Fri Oct 28, 8:22 PM ETWASHINGTON - The House Agriculture Committee approved budget cuts Fridaythat would take food stamps away from an estimated 300,000 people and couldcut off school lunches and breakfasts for 40,000 children.The action came as the government reported that the number of people who arehungry because they can't afford to buy enough food rose to 38.2 million in2004, an increase of 7 million in five years. The number represents nearly12 percent of U.S. households."If there are cuts to be made, why should we make them on food stamps?" saidRep. David Scott (news, bio, voting record), D-Ga. "This is the meanest cutof all." The cuts, approved by the Republican-controlled committee on aparty-line vote, are part of an effort by the House GOP to curb federalspending by $50 billion. The food and agriculture cuts would reduce spendingby $3.7 billion, including $844 million on nutrition, $760 million onconservation and $212 million on payments to farmers."The fact is, our country is going broke," said Rep. John Boehner (news,bio, voting record), R-Ohio. "We're spending money we don't have and passingit onto our kids, and at some point, somebody's got to say, `Enough'senough.' " The $574 million reduction in food stamp spending would affectfamilies who receive food stamps because they receive other non-cashgovernment assistance. The change is estimated to shut up to 300,000 peopleout of the program. The restriction also could take free meals away from anestimated 40,000 school children, because children in many states areautomatically eligible for school meals when they get food stamps, accordingto the Congressional Budget Office. The White House proposed the restrictionearlier this year.The bill would also raise the waiting period for food stamps for legalimmigrants from five to seven years.
Senate GOP leaders are seeking to curb spending by $39 billion, and havebeen more reluctant to cut government benefit programs. The SenateAgriculture Committee spared food stamps in approving a similar budget billlast week and voted for greater reductions in farm payments andconservation.The House committee voted to shave $212 million from direct payments tofarmers, a 1 percent reduction over the next four years. Cuts to commodityprograms totaled $1 billion and include repeal of a federal cotton subsidyto comply with a World Trade Organization ruling against the program.In a separate action Friday, the House voted 318-63 to approve the finalversion of a $100 billion spending bill for food and farm programs for thebudget year that began Oct. 1. The Senate must approve the measure before itcan go to President Bush for his signature.The bill delays until 2008 a meat labeling law that was to have gone intoeffect last year. Pressure from meatpackers and supermarkets has blocked thelabels, which would tell shoppers what country their meat comes from.The measure also overrides a court ruling on whether products with theround, green "USDA Organic" seal can contain small amounts of non-organicingredients. An appeals court decided earlier this year that non-organicsubstances - things like vitamins or baking powder - are not allowed in foodbearing the seal. But more than 200 companies and trade groups said theycan't make organic yogurt and many other products without the ingredients inquestion, and congressional negotiators agreed. An industry group, theOrganic Trade Association, said the ruling could cost manufacturers $758million annually. Organic food has grown rapidly, from a $1 billion industryin 1990 to an estimated $14.5 billion this year.
This is really scary beats most Halloween nightmares now I know the system is far form perfect is this really the way to solve the deficit?
I agree as a government its stupid to spend money it doesn’t have how bout calling in a few IOU’s or cutting hummmmm lets see spending on a WAR IN IRAQ brought about by suspicious non existent Intel!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/food_farm_programs
House Panel OKs School Lunch Funding CutBy LIBBY QUAID, Associated Press Writer Fri Oct 28, 8:22 PM ETWASHINGTON - The House Agriculture Committee approved budget cuts Fridaythat would take food stamps away from an estimated 300,000 people and couldcut off school lunches and breakfasts for 40,000 children.The action came as the government reported that the number of people who arehungry because they can't afford to buy enough food rose to 38.2 million in2004, an increase of 7 million in five years. The number represents nearly12 percent of U.S. households."If there are cuts to be made, why should we make them on food stamps?" saidRep. David Scott (news, bio, voting record), D-Ga. "This is the meanest cutof all." The cuts, approved by the Republican-controlled committee on aparty-line vote, are part of an effort by the House GOP to curb federalspending by $50 billion. The food and agriculture cuts would reduce spendingby $3.7 billion, including $844 million on nutrition, $760 million onconservation and $212 million on payments to farmers."The fact is, our country is going broke," said Rep. John Boehner (news,bio, voting record), R-Ohio. "We're spending money we don't have and passingit onto our kids, and at some point, somebody's got to say, `Enough'senough.' " The $574 million reduction in food stamp spending would affectfamilies who receive food stamps because they receive other non-cashgovernment assistance. The change is estimated to shut up to 300,000 peopleout of the program. The restriction also could take free meals away from anestimated 40,000 school children, because children in many states areautomatically eligible for school meals when they get food stamps, accordingto the Congressional Budget Office. The White House proposed the restrictionearlier this year.The bill would also raise the waiting period for food stamps for legalimmigrants from five to seven years.
Senate GOP leaders are seeking to curb spending by $39 billion, and havebeen more reluctant to cut government benefit programs. The SenateAgriculture Committee spared food stamps in approving a similar budget billlast week and voted for greater reductions in farm payments andconservation.The House committee voted to shave $212 million from direct payments tofarmers, a 1 percent reduction over the next four years. Cuts to commodityprograms totaled $1 billion and include repeal of a federal cotton subsidyto comply with a World Trade Organization ruling against the program.In a separate action Friday, the House voted 318-63 to approve the finalversion of a $100 billion spending bill for food and farm programs for thebudget year that began Oct. 1. The Senate must approve the measure before itcan go to President Bush for his signature.The bill delays until 2008 a meat labeling law that was to have gone intoeffect last year. Pressure from meatpackers and supermarkets has blocked thelabels, which would tell shoppers what country their meat comes from.The measure also overrides a court ruling on whether products with theround, green "USDA Organic" seal can contain small amounts of non-organicingredients. An appeals court decided earlier this year that non-organicsubstances - things like vitamins or baking powder - are not allowed in foodbearing the seal. But more than 200 companies and trade groups said theycan't make organic yogurt and many other products without the ingredients inquestion, and congressional negotiators agreed. An industry group, theOrganic Trade Association, said the ruling could cost manufacturers $758million annually. Organic food has grown rapidly, from a $1 billion industryin 1990 to an estimated $14.5 billion this year.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Mugs
Mugs
Wednesday night on the way to MEW accountability I found myself at an introduction concert for the campus gospel singers. I have to admit I didn’t want to be there and had not seen this group “perform” in years.
They were amazing well directed great sound enthusiastic and just down right joyful and the soloist just down right rocked! Pretty sure the lights could have been off and we would have seen little lights oozing from the choirs pores.
Ok, forgive the sarcasm
As I watched and listened I was lifted up, it was contagious unfortunately I was a little embarrassed by this because you see I’m just too cool for my own faith sometimes.
I started looking around the room at people some whom I know, there were acquaintances and friends Christian and non Christian, a couple who have no belief system I am aware of, a man I know casually from the hospital - he might be Jewish I think I recall him in a yamaka one Friday night?
The audience all grinned ear to ear clapping their hands some were even dancing when we were asked to stand. It began slowly I couldn’t resist a closed mouth smile then before I new what was happening I was jubilant! I couldn’t stop myself the joy was so contagious the music so compelling I had to feel good I had to LOL I had to clap my hands and let the goodness of it all vibrate into my soul.
By the end of the event we joked with friends and expressed our need to find a gospel church to go to occasionally to get a fun playful joy fix. But then a little inkling a whisper piped into my mind and reminded me that I’m just too cool for that sort of thing. I mean why would I lower myself to expressing joy openly without shame someone might confuse me with the Biblical description of a……….. Christian!
Wednesday night on the way to MEW accountability I found myself at an introduction concert for the campus gospel singers. I have to admit I didn’t want to be there and had not seen this group “perform” in years.
They were amazing well directed great sound enthusiastic and just down right joyful and the soloist just down right rocked! Pretty sure the lights could have been off and we would have seen little lights oozing from the choirs pores.
Ok, forgive the sarcasm
As I watched and listened I was lifted up, it was contagious unfortunately I was a little embarrassed by this because you see I’m just too cool for my own faith sometimes.
I started looking around the room at people some whom I know, there were acquaintances and friends Christian and non Christian, a couple who have no belief system I am aware of, a man I know casually from the hospital - he might be Jewish I think I recall him in a yamaka one Friday night?
The audience all grinned ear to ear clapping their hands some were even dancing when we were asked to stand. It began slowly I couldn’t resist a closed mouth smile then before I new what was happening I was jubilant! I couldn’t stop myself the joy was so contagious the music so compelling I had to feel good I had to LOL I had to clap my hands and let the goodness of it all vibrate into my soul.
By the end of the event we joked with friends and expressed our need to find a gospel church to go to occasionally to get a fun playful joy fix. But then a little inkling a whisper piped into my mind and reminded me that I’m just too cool for that sort of thing. I mean why would I lower myself to expressing joy openly without shame someone might confuse me with the Biblical description of a……….. Christian!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Stupid blog
Stupid blog
Well I really didn’t mean to publish the thing I just wrote; blogger has blocked me apparently a cookie or anti virus issue. So I cannot log in to write or comment on the blog but by some amazing miracle I hit the publish button in Word and there you have it my psycho dribble unedited and pathetic at best with no way to delete the damn thing. It Suxs to be me huh? Lol, oh well there are worse things in life besides bad poetic writing laced with pathetic thoughts.
I rally hurt for my mom ~ tons of questions spinning in my head… why? Such a hard life deserves a break and God knows I need one or I am one step behind her. God have mercy.
Well I really didn’t mean to publish the thing I just wrote; blogger has blocked me apparently a cookie or anti virus issue. So I cannot log in to write or comment on the blog but by some amazing miracle I hit the publish button in Word and there you have it my psycho dribble unedited and pathetic at best with no way to delete the damn thing. It Suxs to be me huh? Lol, oh well there are worse things in life besides bad poetic writing laced with pathetic thoughts.
I rally hurt for my mom ~ tons of questions spinning in my head… why? Such a hard life deserves a break and God knows I need one or I am one step behind her. God have mercy.
hurting for mom
The moon is full the sky bright the stars gaze back at me as I sit wailing with Sara on the box and sipping Shiraz. The window is open I gaze out in wonder at the beauty of it all the power of creation then worry can anyone hear?
Shadows fall candlelight dancing across the floor, my attempt at solitude, at peace cluttered with reality.
I sing louder wishing I was better, wishing for something never gained. The bleak places of the heart cloud the beauty of the moment as I wonder, why?
My heart drifts to and from the beauty to pain and sadness so deep only the supernatural can sustain me.
To be covered and beauty yet blind as I selfishly crumble I gaze at my existence in wonder and ask what makes a valid life? Trying to make since of those blessed or cursed finding myself in both realities fighting to make since of it all.
As I sit wailing with Sara tears steaming down my face sipping Shiraz and wondering at the beauty of it all but can anyone hear the sadness?
Shadows fall candlelight dancing across the floor, my attempt at solitude, at peace cluttered with reality.
I sing louder wishing I was better, wishing for something never gained. The bleak places of the heart cloud the beauty of the moment as I wonder, why?
My heart drifts to and from the beauty to pain and sadness so deep only the supernatural can sustain me.
To be covered and beauty yet blind as I selfishly crumble I gaze at my existence in wonder and ask what makes a valid life? Trying to make since of those blessed or cursed finding myself in both realities fighting to make since of it all.
As I sit wailing with Sara tears steaming down my face sipping Shiraz and wondering at the beauty of it all but can anyone hear the sadness?
Friday, September 09, 2005
Posting this for a friend
Hey, everyone, I am not a "blogger" and it's not often that I use e-mail as an opinionforum. But as I was watching the hurricane coverage on TV tonight, athought hit me between the eyes.Many people are upset with the government (FEMA, etc.) for failing to actfast enough to help the hurricane victims. Perhaps the criticism isjustified. State, local, and federal officials did not implement aneffective plan for meeting basic, immediate needs--with some really direconsequences. But ordinary people all over this country have pulled together withoutwaiting for the government to step in. Several of us at my church in Ohiospent the midday organizing donations in the back of a U-Haul (thank you,Patty E., for your hard work--it was all worth it!). I saw a similareffort at a gas station down the street. I've heard of people going downto shelters and taking entire families home with them for an indefinitestay. A black church in Biloxi has become a de-facto community center,serving hundreds of meals and hosting relief groups coming in from allover. Where government fell through, churches and other groups have donewhat they've always done--stepped in and met the people's needs withevery resource that God provided to them.I know a day might come that I need the services of the feds. Moreover,it may well be that only the government's pockets are deep enough toprovide assistance for "the great rebuild." But isn't it nice that thegood Lord gave us all a brain, a heart, and two hands to use until thesheriff rides into Dodge? Just a thought. May God bless everyone whohas stepped in to help those whose hands are tied......Elena Stevenson
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Friday, September 02, 2005
~Jen~
For fun I thought I would add these pic’s of my beautiful friend Jen ~ she just moved for MN to CT which is still the same driving distance from me which really sux! She had her 20 yr high school reunion so i swiped her pics, *evil wicked Grin* anyway I need to learn how to upload photos so I thought I would torture her with these:)Jen and I met what seems a lifetime ago, I was a seasonal radio announcer. Translation I was a DJ for a 24 hr Christmas music station! I know it’s scary shush don’t tell anyone k :) she also worked for that station a year or so before. One of the DJ’s kept telling each of us we should meet she was a nanny in CT as I had been before I went into Youth Ministry, she was also a person of faith and according to Jim a hell of a lot of fun and he was sure we would hit it off.
One night while Jim was up to his usual shenanigans trying to get me to screw up on the air, this girl breezed in with a cream coat and bright red hair perhaps not so natural lol. She invited me to a party at her house New Years B-day haven’t a clue her family adopted me and I spent every chance I could with them. The rest is history now 16 or 17 years (gotta count the big numbers:) later she has a fab hubby two beautiful kids one in each flavor and is still an awesome friend and a great encouragement to me.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Katrina
I hurt it’s hard to watch the news to see the suffering I want to help but I have nothing to give? I think of my whining and complaining about insurance and injustice and negligence. How many will be left with so much less then us? How many will not even have a chance to see someone the love again? The devastation is numbing…..
I recognize nature is a powerful force and perhaps Gods design is to allow these things to clean the earth’s surface for new beginnings, none the less it is harsh as a human being to sit by and watch the suffering. Most of us can only pray or send a measly check and hope it actually reaches those in need and not the greedy.
I whine about insurance and contractors and gas and food prices as I sit dry and comfortable in a house provided to us in mercy. I have so much to be thankful for I wish I had more to give…..
I recognize nature is a powerful force and perhaps Gods design is to allow these things to clean the earth’s surface for new beginnings, none the less it is harsh as a human being to sit by and watch the suffering. Most of us can only pray or send a measly check and hope it actually reaches those in need and not the greedy.
I whine about insurance and contractors and gas and food prices as I sit dry and comfortable in a house provided to us in mercy. I have so much to be thankful for I wish I had more to give…..
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Access Rant!
This town so sux if you have a disability helped mom get to church this morning can’t count the number or cars sitting across driveways that she had to maneuver around and cars parked diagonally sticking 2-4 foot out in the street ~ if students don’t know how to drive or park send their cars home!
Most of the grated curbs in town are a mess I had to get her unstuck from an “ADA” ramp and she has 4in clearance with her new ride. I expect problems with trash usually beer cans when student are back, I expect a few buckling sidewalks around overgrown trees.
I suppose I thought Miami’s curbs would be better due to all their endowments for every cause in the universe but no it was almost as bad. The shame is mom could have driven herself and felt more independent and been safer if our society cared to think of something other then their selves.
I have a proposal every person in government including all university big dog’s around the world. Should be requires to spend a week (big gov. need a month!) in a wheelchair using public transportation and sidewalks ~ I give them all less then a day and they would be crying for change.
I wish I could do something, I know its expensive but I also know if a town is not too lazy they can get CDBG grants for ADA needs. So I complain and pray and maybe I will scream a little might make me feel better!
Most of the grated curbs in town are a mess I had to get her unstuck from an “ADA” ramp and she has 4in clearance with her new ride. I expect problems with trash usually beer cans when student are back, I expect a few buckling sidewalks around overgrown trees.
I suppose I thought Miami’s curbs would be better due to all their endowments for every cause in the universe but no it was almost as bad. The shame is mom could have driven herself and felt more independent and been safer if our society cared to think of something other then their selves.
I have a proposal every person in government including all university big dog’s around the world. Should be requires to spend a week (big gov. need a month!) in a wheelchair using public transportation and sidewalks ~ I give them all less then a day and they would be crying for change.
I wish I could do something, I know its expensive but I also know if a town is not too lazy they can get CDBG grants for ADA needs. So I complain and pray and maybe I will scream a little might make me feel better!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Waiting, Waiting, Waiting, Waiting....
Thought I better blog before the “blogger Nazi’s” show up at my door ready for torture :)
Over a week ago we were given an extension and two lawyers are investigating the case. Thanks to Elaine who saved the day by dropping off our file box we hope to hear something soon, um… like we think you have a great case and would LOVE to represent you and your mother!
I’m trying not to be anxious, praying like crazy for peace justice etc. I thought I would be happy about the continuance the fear I battle is that it is just drawing out things and “what if?” - trying not to think of it.
The last couple days have been good; I have started playing internet detective looking for old collage friends for a potential reunion next year. I have talked to almost half the class; don’t be impressed it is a very small school in the mountains and half the class is like 25 people! hehehe
The sucky thing is I have never been good at idle chit chat, I like reality so… although I would love to be all superficial about my life due to its pathetic nature, I find myself spilling….oh well.
The funniest thing about calling everyone has been there reaction to my singleness, apparently (and this will come as a shock to those who know me Now ferrsure! hehehe) People are in shock. I overheard someone whisper on the phone that I was her age and still single in a shocked southern accent. I on the other hand, was trying to be quiet as I lol so hard I had tears in my eyes trying desperately not to let this person know I had overheard her!
Another old friend from my dorm let out what sounded like a whimper of pain when I told her the news! I have also had the following other responses "your time will come" "I’m so sorry, that must be hard for you?" "So are you dating anyone?" yadda, yadda, yadda!
Last but not least the first response I received was one of my favovites ~ cause the guy who said it is too cool.
"CANT BELIVE YOU HAVNT SNAGGED A MAN, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE THE FIRST TO FALL OFF THE SINGLE BAND WAGON....AFTER SCHOOL. OH WELL, REMEMBER WHAT PAUL SAID, "DONT SEEK A DUDE" ~~~~~~ "THEY JUST MUCK UP YOUR PLANS" ...:)
Gosh ya gotta luvim!
Maybe I was a different person then less jaded by the world I haven't dated as much since moving home compared to my early twenties. I think it is hard for some people to realize single is not a dirty word; I actually enjoy it most of the time and find myself blessed with freedoms my married friends do not have. Although I have many married friends with boat loads of kids that do everything you can think of so maybe it's your philosophy or maybe more realistically it’s how comfortable you and your mate are with your relationship, who knows?
So I am planning a reunion I may not even get to go too, but it is keeping my mind off gutted house stuff so... I do have to start documenting losses again and spread sheets of bills etc for our claim. Then there are the other three lawyers I need to call just in case. I am so not motivated and really don’t want to, it effects me in a not so nice way; its like I'm standing on a grenade and waiting for it to go off.
So I will try to call one lead or go threw one file or maybe take another hour today and play internet detective?
Over a week ago we were given an extension and two lawyers are investigating the case. Thanks to Elaine who saved the day by dropping off our file box we hope to hear something soon, um… like we think you have a great case and would LOVE to represent you and your mother!
I’m trying not to be anxious, praying like crazy for peace justice etc. I thought I would be happy about the continuance the fear I battle is that it is just drawing out things and “what if?” - trying not to think of it.
The last couple days have been good; I have started playing internet detective looking for old collage friends for a potential reunion next year. I have talked to almost half the class; don’t be impressed it is a very small school in the mountains and half the class is like 25 people! hehehe
The sucky thing is I have never been good at idle chit chat, I like reality so… although I would love to be all superficial about my life due to its pathetic nature, I find myself spilling….oh well.
The funniest thing about calling everyone has been there reaction to my singleness, apparently (and this will come as a shock to those who know me Now ferrsure! hehehe) People are in shock. I overheard someone whisper on the phone that I was her age and still single in a shocked southern accent. I on the other hand, was trying to be quiet as I lol so hard I had tears in my eyes trying desperately not to let this person know I had overheard her!
Another old friend from my dorm let out what sounded like a whimper of pain when I told her the news! I have also had the following other responses "your time will come" "I’m so sorry, that must be hard for you?" "So are you dating anyone?" yadda, yadda, yadda!
Last but not least the first response I received was one of my favovites ~ cause the guy who said it is too cool.
"CANT BELIVE YOU HAVNT SNAGGED A MAN, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE THE FIRST TO FALL OFF THE SINGLE BAND WAGON....AFTER SCHOOL. OH WELL, REMEMBER WHAT PAUL SAID, "DONT SEEK A DUDE" ~~~~~~ "THEY JUST MUCK UP YOUR PLANS" ...:)
Gosh ya gotta luvim!
Maybe I was a different person then less jaded by the world I haven't dated as much since moving home compared to my early twenties. I think it is hard for some people to realize single is not a dirty word; I actually enjoy it most of the time and find myself blessed with freedoms my married friends do not have. Although I have many married friends with boat loads of kids that do everything you can think of so maybe it's your philosophy or maybe more realistically it’s how comfortable you and your mate are with your relationship, who knows?
So I am planning a reunion I may not even get to go too, but it is keeping my mind off gutted house stuff so... I do have to start documenting losses again and spread sheets of bills etc for our claim. Then there are the other three lawyers I need to call just in case. I am so not motivated and really don’t want to, it effects me in a not so nice way; its like I'm standing on a grenade and waiting for it to go off.
So I will try to call one lead or go threw one file or maybe take another hour today and play internet detective?
Monday, August 15, 2005
BLOG SPAM!
I am pissed my blogs have been spammed 6 times nothing is sacred anymore I thought SPAM on my fax was annoying enough!
Reprieve?
As I lay in bed praying in the spirit and asking God for mercy I also prayed that if He has no lawyer for us that this thing would just end. During this time the phone rang and the secretary of one of the lawyers I spoke to was relaying that the judge has given us a thirty day continuance on our case, so the two new guys can investigate our case.
We have a reprieve for a while, is it an answer to prayer ~ I hope it’s the answer we want, I don’t believe my prayers are wasted and I don’t believe our God would allow this to happen without purpose.
My prayer
God please have mercy and allow us to rind a lawyer and a resolution to our situation. Thy will be done cause we know your plan is best.
We have a reprieve for a while, is it an answer to prayer ~ I hope it’s the answer we want, I don’t believe my prayers are wasted and I don’t believe our God would allow this to happen without purpose.
My prayer
God please have mercy and allow us to rind a lawyer and a resolution to our situation. Thy will be done cause we know your plan is best.
Like a deer caught in the headlights
It’s almost 1 pm and I have done nothing but stare at the numbers and look up a few things on the net about or situation. I should be making calls but I’m so frightened I’m almost paralyzed.
Friday’s conference call went well, I suppose, the two lawyers said they need time to evaluate everything and will look at the case at the court house today and talk to the judge. They told me not to get my hopes up and to keep making phone calls to other lawyers.
I feel sick inside and pray they take the case, we so desperately need a break in all this, God gave us a roof over our heads one week before our eviction would have had us out on our bums. Trying desperately to believe there is a miracle just around the corner and we have started to turn…..
Friday’s conference call went well, I suppose, the two lawyers said they need time to evaluate everything and will look at the case at the court house today and talk to the judge. They told me not to get my hopes up and to keep making phone calls to other lawyers.
I feel sick inside and pray they take the case, we so desperately need a break in all this, God gave us a roof over our heads one week before our eviction would have had us out on our bums. Trying desperately to believe there is a miracle just around the corner and we have started to turn…..
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Angels Hiding in the Midst
Paula saved the day by clearing the jungle, nice to walk in the yard barefoot and not trip! We had such a nice time praying lunch and tons of needed encouragement. We were joined by Kara who continued to pray with us throughout the day and “held my hand” while I made calls. Breaking into tears so easily it was hard to do anything, if it were not for Paula and Kara I would have laid in bed and not bothered with anything anymore.
The law firm that has been putting off talking with me, the one that and I quote said “I promise you this if we cant take your case I will find someone who will”. Finely said “no” “our firm to small would not have time for any case but you’re if we took it” bla bla bla ok, not my best attitude, after six week of reviewing the case he did give me two names and Kara gave me a name so I have calls into everyone and a conference call set for tomorrow at 3:30. I pray we find someone quickly. I really wish people would not make promises they can’t keep especially lawyers. Only four biz days left…..
During this time I received a three way call from two wonderful ladies who lifted my spirit and placed truth in my heart. Admonishing me to play and rest and give it over to God because if he wants us to find legal counsel it will happen. Their prayers went deep, I find myself in awe of the people in my life and the love and support they poor out to my mother and I…..
About the time I was getting ready to lie down to rest Ginger (my moms home care worker) said we have company and to go out side. I should point out that Ginger had a huge smile on her face and her eyes are bugging out! :) I proceed outside in my scruffy cloths not showered and with my hair up in a pony tail to find Kimmy leaning over my car with a camera, with a huge grin on her face – a conspiracy a foot!
Kara and Christy come from hiding behind my car with huge smiles pushing a brand new top of the line Troy Built, Self Propelled, Candy Apple Red, Mulching Lawnmower covered with ribbons!
Well hey, I did what I do best lately and burst into tears mixed with much laughter while screaming Kim don’t you dare take a picture of me looking like hell! Christy stood oh so shyly and cute while giggling as only she can, to know my sweet friend Christy is to fall in love with adorable almost instantly!
Bearing hugs and a card signed by some of my fav Veritasian peeps they explained the conspiracy that was withheld from me to my amazement for a couple of weeks - I can figure most conspiracies out quicker then a snap. We were in shock to say the least; mom joined us as we were walked through the finer features of the new mower by Kara whose uncle works for the manufacturer and was in on the plot.
Kara’s uncle and a friend from work used their employee discounts that they receive only one day of the year to buy the mower at a huge savings. Two men we have never met reached out to us and blessed us – words, they just don’t cut it most of the time!
Over the summer our friends and our neighbors have offered to help cut the grass knowing our situation but we didn’t have a mower so a jungle was born, we never imagined such a sweet and generous gift.
When things are going so horribly wrong God sends angles baring gifts and encouragement, it’s His way of showering us with kisses and giving us hope. Our Bridegroom wants nothing more then to lavish us with His love especially when we get caught up in lies and forget His promises.
I know I’m sappy get over it hehehe.
After practically being dragged to the shower and yelled at, I decided to pull myself together and go to Ladies night out at Kona, which until last night was my all time fav restaurant but the took all my favorite things off their menu! So, so sad am I….;( Anyway was good to catch up with everyone and it did help me to lighten up a bit.
One more sappy thing k – no matter what anyone says I know with all my heart I have been blessed with better friends then thousands could have in ten lifetimes…. I love you guys so much - just when I wanted to crawl in a hole and thought I was all alone you reminded me (us!) that we are not!
I do have one concern my mother being a bit adventurous and hum how I should put this discreetly HELL ON WHEELS hehehe. May get crazy thoughts in her head that since the mower in self propelled and she can hot rod the chair behind it…… God help us!
Now I’m off to steal the film or memory card from Kim and if I can’t find the evidence I will be forced to inflict mortal harm….. ;)
The law firm that has been putting off talking with me, the one that and I quote said “I promise you this if we cant take your case I will find someone who will”. Finely said “no” “our firm to small would not have time for any case but you’re if we took it” bla bla bla ok, not my best attitude, after six week of reviewing the case he did give me two names and Kara gave me a name so I have calls into everyone and a conference call set for tomorrow at 3:30. I pray we find someone quickly. I really wish people would not make promises they can’t keep especially lawyers. Only four biz days left…..
During this time I received a three way call from two wonderful ladies who lifted my spirit and placed truth in my heart. Admonishing me to play and rest and give it over to God because if he wants us to find legal counsel it will happen. Their prayers went deep, I find myself in awe of the people in my life and the love and support they poor out to my mother and I…..
About the time I was getting ready to lie down to rest Ginger (my moms home care worker) said we have company and to go out side. I should point out that Ginger had a huge smile on her face and her eyes are bugging out! :) I proceed outside in my scruffy cloths not showered and with my hair up in a pony tail to find Kimmy leaning over my car with a camera, with a huge grin on her face – a conspiracy a foot!
Kara and Christy come from hiding behind my car with huge smiles pushing a brand new top of the line Troy Built, Self Propelled, Candy Apple Red, Mulching Lawnmower covered with ribbons!
Well hey, I did what I do best lately and burst into tears mixed with much laughter while screaming Kim don’t you dare take a picture of me looking like hell! Christy stood oh so shyly and cute while giggling as only she can, to know my sweet friend Christy is to fall in love with adorable almost instantly!
Bearing hugs and a card signed by some of my fav Veritasian peeps they explained the conspiracy that was withheld from me to my amazement for a couple of weeks - I can figure most conspiracies out quicker then a snap. We were in shock to say the least; mom joined us as we were walked through the finer features of the new mower by Kara whose uncle works for the manufacturer and was in on the plot.
Kara’s uncle and a friend from work used their employee discounts that they receive only one day of the year to buy the mower at a huge savings. Two men we have never met reached out to us and blessed us – words, they just don’t cut it most of the time!
Over the summer our friends and our neighbors have offered to help cut the grass knowing our situation but we didn’t have a mower so a jungle was born, we never imagined such a sweet and generous gift.
When things are going so horribly wrong God sends angles baring gifts and encouragement, it’s His way of showering us with kisses and giving us hope. Our Bridegroom wants nothing more then to lavish us with His love especially when we get caught up in lies and forget His promises.
I know I’m sappy get over it hehehe.
After practically being dragged to the shower and yelled at, I decided to pull myself together and go to Ladies night out at Kona, which until last night was my all time fav restaurant but the took all my favorite things off their menu! So, so sad am I….;( Anyway was good to catch up with everyone and it did help me to lighten up a bit.
One more sappy thing k – no matter what anyone says I know with all my heart I have been blessed with better friends then thousands could have in ten lifetimes…. I love you guys so much - just when I wanted to crawl in a hole and thought I was all alone you reminded me (us!) that we are not!
I do have one concern my mother being a bit adventurous and hum how I should put this discreetly HELL ON WHEELS hehehe. May get crazy thoughts in her head that since the mower in self propelled and she can hot rod the chair behind it…… God help us!
Now I’m off to steal the film or memory card from Kim and if I can’t find the evidence I will be forced to inflict mortal harm….. ;)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
truth
This is what I really need to focus on!
Lord, I will not fear the situation that is before me, knowing that if I fear, I may be the one who is putting into motion that very thing I fear.
Based on Numbers 14:28
Lord, I will not fear the situation that is before me, knowing that if I fear, I may be the one who is putting into motion that very thing I fear.
Based on Numbers 14:28
Five days and counting......
Five business days left to see a miracle?
Not very productive in the mist of the count down to ????
Mom is not well every day we have fought going to the hospital - she needs meds I just want her off the evil drug that turns her inside out every time we run out and cant get it for her.
I just remembered all the spread sheets I was supposed to have in to the powers that be before next week. Not only are they about 40 hrs not finished I feel trapped and unable to make rational decisions right now. Actually my memory and concentration are so bad it hard to get anything done.
Still having nightmares – something about being at the hearing I was crying hysterically fell down sobbing and passed out. Oh what fun! Emotions are a crazy thing actually not far from thinking I have finely stepped off the path of all rationality. How do people in war torn countries with REAL problems survive?
Don"t get me wrong our problems are real and more serious then most people know or care to know. I just can’t imagine... We are so spoiled by our American culture!
Trying not to feel abandoned trying not to be pissed at the well meaning people who think loosing everything is a great way to "start over" and are orgasmic that my mom is living in town even though the bills are pilling up and this is killing us.
What a joy I am today huh?
Dear friends coming to help out for which we are so incredibly grateful. We are finely going to get the jungle mowed after about 5 + weeks, then another friend is coming to call lawyers with me -- hopefully we will find help this is horrible!
A friend yesterday asked for the best and worst case scenario to try to help me rationally think things out - it didn’t work I cried for hrs then woke up crying today. Bring on the little men with white jacket and don’t forget a nose wiper - my hands will be tied behind my back! ha ha
Ok, overly sarcastic and procrastinating the inevitable... have to stop writing and start making phone calls. I really hate this!
Not very productive in the mist of the count down to ????
Mom is not well every day we have fought going to the hospital - she needs meds I just want her off the evil drug that turns her inside out every time we run out and cant get it for her.
I just remembered all the spread sheets I was supposed to have in to the powers that be before next week. Not only are they about 40 hrs not finished I feel trapped and unable to make rational decisions right now. Actually my memory and concentration are so bad it hard to get anything done.
Still having nightmares – something about being at the hearing I was crying hysterically fell down sobbing and passed out. Oh what fun! Emotions are a crazy thing actually not far from thinking I have finely stepped off the path of all rationality. How do people in war torn countries with REAL problems survive?
Don"t get me wrong our problems are real and more serious then most people know or care to know. I just can’t imagine... We are so spoiled by our American culture!
Trying not to feel abandoned trying not to be pissed at the well meaning people who think loosing everything is a great way to "start over" and are orgasmic that my mom is living in town even though the bills are pilling up and this is killing us.
What a joy I am today huh?
Dear friends coming to help out for which we are so incredibly grateful. We are finely going to get the jungle mowed after about 5 + weeks, then another friend is coming to call lawyers with me -- hopefully we will find help this is horrible!
A friend yesterday asked for the best and worst case scenario to try to help me rationally think things out - it didn’t work I cried for hrs then woke up crying today. Bring on the little men with white jacket and don’t forget a nose wiper - my hands will be tied behind my back! ha ha
Ok, overly sarcastic and procrastinating the inevitable... have to stop writing and start making phone calls. I really hate this!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Crumbling Fast
Only six more days until… we are falling apart physically and emotionally we pray Thy will be done but really we want our way. A quick and easy get out of jail free card to rescue us from impending ruin.
Fear is a nasty thing – doing a horrible job trusting we just don’t know what to do or where to turn. Guess we are supposed to be all noble and say positive things? I’m petrified the “what ifs” screaming in my head… God have mercy if this thing is thrown out what will I do with my mom and no place to go?
This is so frustrating!
Please God help us to trust that everything will work out, please pick up the pieces of our lives and help us to remember your promises.
Fear is a nasty thing – doing a horrible job trusting we just don’t know what to do or where to turn. Guess we are supposed to be all noble and say positive things? I’m petrified the “what ifs” screaming in my head… God have mercy if this thing is thrown out what will I do with my mom and no place to go?
This is so frustrating!
Please God help us to trust that everything will work out, please pick up the pieces of our lives and help us to remember your promises.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Self Hatred
I wrote the following to a friend struggling with some of the same issues I do. Actually, they are some of the same issues that most of us struggle with, if we are brave enough to admit it. I edited it a bit but hope the heart of what God is doing will be evident. I feel as though something evil has finally been pried free, now comes the challenge of not ever allowing myself to be romanced again by deception.
Warning conservative blog peeps:
I know that some of you who read this blog are extremely conservative and find certain ideas and language to be offensive. I do not personally believe I have written anything all that extreme or offensive but you may? Please understand I seek nothing more then truth and sometimes it is delivered bluntly.
The lies that find their way into our minds and try to take root are so incredibly believable at times, it hard to know which way you are coming or going. Lies rob our joy beat us down and rob us from our destiny and they must be silence!
I could start making a list of lies next to the real truth about myself and others but I know from past experience it doesn't work. The lies manipulate our thoughts and make us think that people are just saying things to make us feel better. I do know that I’m getting angrier by the day and I‘m convinced it’s not an unrighteous kind of anger although I have been known to have a change of heart in these matters. ;)
I am PISSED OFF at the lies and at the human condition that allow those lies to cuddle up to us sensually and wrap themselves tightly around us like they are our lover.
Our true Lover does not inflame us to hatred against ourselves or others, He seeks to lavish His blessings and His tender words of endearment upon us because we are His finest creation, His life's work, His masterpiece. We are the love of His life and for Him, there is no other He would rather be with. He wants us to be aligned heart mind and soul with His truth, yet we create our own perverted realities that sicken His heart and crush Him.
On our wedding day when our husband or wife stands (or stood) gazing into our eyes and speaks to us before God, will we (did we?) stop them and say oh everything you just said is not true I am a worthless peace of SHIT? How then, can we daily stand before our God who gave up everything to embrace us in perfect beauty and grace not only say those vial words but fling the nasty stuff at Him?
He stands before us ignoring the excrement, tears pouring from His eyes saying I love you; you are wonderful, you are beautiful and I find no flaw in you.... I am not ashamed to admit I am sobbing now because I am guilty we all are to some degree. It needs to stop, the truth has to win or we will be lost and take with it every good and perfect gift that comes from God.
Sorry I’m preaching, well maybe not that sorry:) I am screaming to myself as well. The other night I spent 2 hrs on the phone with an old friend who challenged me and I was numb, anaesthetize to all but the lies. The lies make me feel, the lies are my friends, the lies are my lover. After that conversation I spent the next two hrs IM'ing with Kara, the lies seduced me again wrapping their perversion around me and I found comfort in them.
My sweet Beloved cried and grieved as He stood by me saying do not listen, don't be deceived, don't be ashamed, I love you; you are wonderful, you are beautiful, and I find no flaw in you....
Earlier when I read the words of my dear friend’s blog something snapped in me I was so enraged that she had been seduced by lies. I was outraged and I hurt for her and wanted so desperately for her to see that she was being deceived!
Then it hit me like never before, I realized we share the same lover and find similar comfort in the perverse deception he lavishes on us with a gleam in his eye as if to say I win, I am the master, the world is my brothel and I am its god.
To say the least this is a radical thought and for those of you who practice other religions or no religion. You will most likely roll your eyes and state “whatever” or sweetly tolerate our differences without much understanding laced maybe with a little fear that this chick has finely soared off the edge :)
~ just want you to know that’s ok I’m a big girl and can take it! :)
Before you have me committed think about this, every day we have things that float through our heads, ideas our culture or so called friends throw at us, or the thoughts that come at us out of a screwed up childhood, marriage etc.
When we embrace those negative thoughts they take root in us and we mold ourselves into their image as opposed to molding ourselves in the image of truth (which for me is God) and since we are buying into the narrow minded lie we never feel peace or fulfillment. We allow the lies to trap us in negative patterns of thinking and our lives are not as full, we become so entangled at times in the lies it is hard to love to be loved or even feel!
I would love to say that I will never again be in the same mess I have been, but I know that’s a dangerous thing to believe. I do know that every day I will have to take my thoughts captive and replace the negative with the truth.
I need friends who are not afraid to kick my Ass when I screw up and love me in spite of – LOL; but i'm pretty sure I have that covered already ;)
So I will press in and press on in hope that in replacing the lies with truth that my true self will finely emerge into freedom. I pray that for all of us........
Warning conservative blog peeps:
I know that some of you who read this blog are extremely conservative and find certain ideas and language to be offensive. I do not personally believe I have written anything all that extreme or offensive but you may? Please understand I seek nothing more then truth and sometimes it is delivered bluntly.
The lies that find their way into our minds and try to take root are so incredibly believable at times, it hard to know which way you are coming or going. Lies rob our joy beat us down and rob us from our destiny and they must be silence!
I could start making a list of lies next to the real truth about myself and others but I know from past experience it doesn't work. The lies manipulate our thoughts and make us think that people are just saying things to make us feel better. I do know that I’m getting angrier by the day and I‘m convinced it’s not an unrighteous kind of anger although I have been known to have a change of heart in these matters. ;)
I am PISSED OFF at the lies and at the human condition that allow those lies to cuddle up to us sensually and wrap themselves tightly around us like they are our lover.
Our true Lover does not inflame us to hatred against ourselves or others, He seeks to lavish His blessings and His tender words of endearment upon us because we are His finest creation, His life's work, His masterpiece. We are the love of His life and for Him, there is no other He would rather be with. He wants us to be aligned heart mind and soul with His truth, yet we create our own perverted realities that sicken His heart and crush Him.
On our wedding day when our husband or wife stands (or stood) gazing into our eyes and speaks to us before God, will we (did we?) stop them and say oh everything you just said is not true I am a worthless peace of SHIT? How then, can we daily stand before our God who gave up everything to embrace us in perfect beauty and grace not only say those vial words but fling the nasty stuff at Him?
He stands before us ignoring the excrement, tears pouring from His eyes saying I love you; you are wonderful, you are beautiful and I find no flaw in you.... I am not ashamed to admit I am sobbing now because I am guilty we all are to some degree. It needs to stop, the truth has to win or we will be lost and take with it every good and perfect gift that comes from God.
Sorry I’m preaching, well maybe not that sorry:) I am screaming to myself as well. The other night I spent 2 hrs on the phone with an old friend who challenged me and I was numb, anaesthetize to all but the lies. The lies make me feel, the lies are my friends, the lies are my lover. After that conversation I spent the next two hrs IM'ing with Kara, the lies seduced me again wrapping their perversion around me and I found comfort in them.
My sweet Beloved cried and grieved as He stood by me saying do not listen, don't be deceived, don't be ashamed, I love you; you are wonderful, you are beautiful, and I find no flaw in you....
Earlier when I read the words of my dear friend’s blog something snapped in me I was so enraged that she had been seduced by lies. I was outraged and I hurt for her and wanted so desperately for her to see that she was being deceived!
Then it hit me like never before, I realized we share the same lover and find similar comfort in the perverse deception he lavishes on us with a gleam in his eye as if to say I win, I am the master, the world is my brothel and I am its god.
To say the least this is a radical thought and for those of you who practice other religions or no religion. You will most likely roll your eyes and state “whatever” or sweetly tolerate our differences without much understanding laced maybe with a little fear that this chick has finely soared off the edge :)
~ just want you to know that’s ok I’m a big girl and can take it! :)
Before you have me committed think about this, every day we have things that float through our heads, ideas our culture or so called friends throw at us, or the thoughts that come at us out of a screwed up childhood, marriage etc.
When we embrace those negative thoughts they take root in us and we mold ourselves into their image as opposed to molding ourselves in the image of truth (which for me is God) and since we are buying into the narrow minded lie we never feel peace or fulfillment. We allow the lies to trap us in negative patterns of thinking and our lives are not as full, we become so entangled at times in the lies it is hard to love to be loved or even feel!
I would love to say that I will never again be in the same mess I have been, but I know that’s a dangerous thing to believe. I do know that every day I will have to take my thoughts captive and replace the negative with the truth.
I need friends who are not afraid to kick my Ass when I screw up and love me in spite of – LOL; but i'm pretty sure I have that covered already ;)
So I will press in and press on in hope that in replacing the lies with truth that my true self will finely emerge into freedom. I pray that for all of us........
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
How NOT to find a good Lawyer for a legitimate case in 400 days or less
Be honest
Make sure you have no money and are on the verge of bankruptcy
Have a nervous breakdown every two weeks that snows you under for days or weeks
Utilize pro bono programs that hook you up with Shysters
Tell other potential litigators about former shyster
Be sure to cover all details about shyster, no insurance assets hidden in family names, filing bankruptcy etc.
Tell small firms upfront you know the case is complicated
Tell large firms the same
Tell huge mega firms with 100 employee's the same
Hints for Lawyers: what to say to a client (with no money) to let them down easy.
Your case is Very complicated
We are a Very small firm and your case is Very complicated
We are a large firm and we have a business to run and your case is Very complicated
We are a mega firm with over 100 lawyers on staff and we do pro bono ,but not for you, its too complicated for such an understaffed firm as ourselves, sorry
I feel for you, but I have to feed my kids and keep a roof over our head It's a shame corporationsons get by with what they do today isn't it?
You can't make any money off insurance negligence in your state anymore - I really feel for you.
Your case could take 5K to 50K to prosecute and your don't have any money So sorry this dreaful thing has happened to you.
You have one of the best cases we have ever seen, we just are too understaffed to handle it right now - so keep looking for a lawyer
The number one The best excuse you can say to a potential client who has lost everything
Your case appears to be in the medium - low range we only take "large" multi million doller cases!
You to can be a victom!
be honest, pay your bills, buy appropriat insurance coverage, and let shyster contractors, remedeation teams, insurance adjustors, and attorneys walk all over you until you have nothing.
simple as breathing, let me know how it works out for you k :)
Make sure you have no money and are on the verge of bankruptcy
Have a nervous breakdown every two weeks that snows you under for days or weeks
Utilize pro bono programs that hook you up with Shysters
Tell other potential litigators about former shyster
Be sure to cover all details about shyster, no insurance assets hidden in family names, filing bankruptcy etc.
Tell small firms upfront you know the case is complicated
Tell large firms the same
Tell huge mega firms with 100 employee's the same
Hints for Lawyers: what to say to a client (with no money) to let them down easy.
Your case is Very complicated
We are a Very small firm and your case is Very complicated
We are a large firm and we have a business to run and your case is Very complicated
We are a mega firm with over 100 lawyers on staff and we do pro bono ,but not for you, its too complicated for such an understaffed firm as ourselves, sorry
I feel for you, but I have to feed my kids and keep a roof over our head It's a shame corporationsons get by with what they do today isn't it?
You can't make any money off insurance negligence in your state anymore - I really feel for you.
Your case could take 5K to 50K to prosecute and your don't have any money So sorry this dreaful thing has happened to you.
You have one of the best cases we have ever seen, we just are too understaffed to handle it right now - so keep looking for a lawyer
The number one The best excuse you can say to a potential client who has lost everything
Your case appears to be in the medium - low range we only take "large" multi million doller cases!
You to can be a victom!
be honest, pay your bills, buy appropriat insurance coverage, and let shyster contractors, remedeation teams, insurance adjustors, and attorneys walk all over you until you have nothing.
simple as breathing, let me know how it works out for you k :)
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Drunkard's Prayer
After many conversations ending with “you need to blog” I am, well sorta? I find myself unmotivated by physical and emotional pain that traps me in a season of winter unending, so we will see how long this lasts.
Once again I am in awe of the love in my life the “little” blessings so huge (to me) and to numerous to count flowing into my life…..
Looking at who I am, or maybe who I have become I find no deserving nature in me, yet love pours over me like a flood. Not just the gifts and sacrifice given when life has sucked me up and spit me out and I have nothing left and feel know one could possibly care (a blatant lie btw) but the sweet friendships and love I come so far from deserving that embraces me daily overwhelms me.
The tunes of OTR sooth my soul and speak to my heart the and although I casually know the authors they will probably never know that our hearts are entangled with the same questions and sentiments about life love and the ultimate relationship that binds closer then brothers.
My sweet Kara and Kimmy bless me endlessly Drunkard’s Prayer sits close by along with countless others it should be easier to remember the blessings, but even with the reminders I fail horribly in my despair and grief.
This forum doesn’t contain enough room for gratitude my wonderful cartoonist, the stone gunman, my personal gardeners, the not so top secret project team. My soapmaker/bakers who touch me with their servant hood and sweetness. The surprise answers to prayer that come in the mail with love flowing out so rich I cannot even grasp it all
Yet I sit angry beyond comprehension at the injustice the world throws toward us all, favoring the almighty dollar and power to decency. There is nothing good in my but my beloved because I know my secret desire... I want to rip the heart out of evil and banish it forever.
Thus my ridiculous obsession with fantasy adventure I suppose…..;)
Once again I am in awe of the love in my life the “little” blessings so huge (to me) and to numerous to count flowing into my life…..
Looking at who I am, or maybe who I have become I find no deserving nature in me, yet love pours over me like a flood. Not just the gifts and sacrifice given when life has sucked me up and spit me out and I have nothing left and feel know one could possibly care (a blatant lie btw) but the sweet friendships and love I come so far from deserving that embraces me daily overwhelms me.
The tunes of OTR sooth my soul and speak to my heart the and although I casually know the authors they will probably never know that our hearts are entangled with the same questions and sentiments about life love and the ultimate relationship that binds closer then brothers.
My sweet Kara and Kimmy bless me endlessly Drunkard’s Prayer sits close by along with countless others it should be easier to remember the blessings, but even with the reminders I fail horribly in my despair and grief.
This forum doesn’t contain enough room for gratitude my wonderful cartoonist, the stone gunman, my personal gardeners, the not so top secret project team. My soapmaker/bakers who touch me with their servant hood and sweetness. The surprise answers to prayer that come in the mail with love flowing out so rich I cannot even grasp it all
Yet I sit angry beyond comprehension at the injustice the world throws toward us all, favoring the almighty dollar and power to decency. There is nothing good in my but my beloved because I know my secret desire... I want to rip the heart out of evil and banish it forever.
Thus my ridiculous obsession with fantasy adventure I suppose…..;)
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
The institution of Law may it one day be relieved from stupidity!
OK I know it's shocking I am finely posting something. This forward a friend sent me to day just pisses me off - no I haven't taken the time to verify all the info but it really doesn't surprise me.
Maybe if our case was not so legitimate we could also be awarded mammoth amounts of money for our pain suffering and losses - I m pretty sure our losses and pain and suffering over the last two years have been more severe then the ridiculous cases below.
HUM..... We wonder WHY The current powers that be want to stop frivolous law suits? But hey with my luck our real case would be viewed much the same way by the current corporate "political powers that be" in office!!!! Ohhhh..... to spare the poor little insurance companies from ruin while their clients fight for survival, face homelessness and financial despair- can you feel the love?
@&%$#%&#%&^%$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sigh.....
I feel much better now ;)
INSANE is too little a word to describe these law suits!
"The Stella Awards"
It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck,who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM).
That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous,
ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
Here are this year's winners:
5th Place (3-way tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas,
was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle,
tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store...
The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict,considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
~~~~~~~~~~
5th Place (3-way tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles
won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor
ran over his hand with a Honda Accord...
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at thewheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.~~~~~~~~~~
5th Place (3-way tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania,
was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage...
He was not able to get the garage door to go up,
since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning...
He couldn't re-enter the house, because the door connecting the house
and garage locked when he pulled it shut... The family was on vacation,
and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days.
He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish.
The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded
$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks
by his next door neighbor's beagle...
The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
The award was less than sought, because the jury felt
the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time,
by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard
and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink
and broke her coccyx (tailbone)...
The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it
at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware,
successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city
when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,
and knocked out her two front teeth...This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the windowin the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge...
She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
~~~~~~~~~~
AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST...
~~~~~~~~~~
1st Place: This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski
of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma...
Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home...
On her first trip home, (from an OU football game),
having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich...
Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her
in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this...
The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home!
The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit,
just in case there were any other complete morons around!~~~~~~~~~~
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Maybe if our case was not so legitimate we could also be awarded mammoth amounts of money for our pain suffering and losses - I m pretty sure our losses and pain and suffering over the last two years have been more severe then the ridiculous cases below.
HUM..... We wonder WHY The current powers that be want to stop frivolous law suits? But hey with my luck our real case would be viewed much the same way by the current corporate "political powers that be" in office!!!! Ohhhh..... to spare the poor little insurance companies from ruin while their clients fight for survival, face homelessness and financial despair- can you feel the love?
@&%$#%&#%&^%$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sigh.....
I feel much better now ;)
INSANE is too little a word to describe these law suits!
"The Stella Awards"
It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck,who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM).
That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous,
ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
Here are this year's winners:
5th Place (3-way tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas,
was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle,
tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store...
The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict,considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
~~~~~~~~~~
5th Place (3-way tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles
won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor
ran over his hand with a Honda Accord...
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at thewheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.~~~~~~~~~~
5th Place (3-way tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania,
was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage...
He was not able to get the garage door to go up,
since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning...
He couldn't re-enter the house, because the door connecting the house
and garage locked when he pulled it shut... The family was on vacation,
and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days.
He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish.
The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded
$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks
by his next door neighbor's beagle...
The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
The award was less than sought, because the jury felt
the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time,
by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard
and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink
and broke her coccyx (tailbone)...
The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it
at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware,
successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city
when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,
and knocked out her two front teeth...This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the windowin the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge...
She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
~~~~~~~~~~
AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST...
~~~~~~~~~~
1st Place: This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski
of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma...
Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home...
On her first trip home, (from an OU football game),
having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich...
Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her
in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this...
The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home!
The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit,
just in case there were any other complete morons around!~~~~~~~~~~
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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